June 8th, 2011
Tuesday June 7, 2011
One Day Down.
What I ingested
-2 slices cantaloupe, 1 banana
- lots of black coffee
- plain green tea
- water
- spinach with kidney beans, tofu chunks, plain balsamic vinegar, and hummus,
- brown rice, cauliflower, and some zucchini chunks with plain balsamic vinegar
- an orange
- clementine oranges
- 2 slices 100% whole wheat bread
SO…
admittedly, this wasn’t 100% “clean” eating. BUT. It’s a large step away from the excessive amounts of shit I’ve been shoveling in for months.
I am going to continue this counter, for the days I do not binge, and eat healthy foods. and be aware. and begin losing weight. and when I’m home in a week I’ll begin counting calories and exercising regularly. bam.
May 10th, 2011
What I need more of~
May 10th, 2011
lifeasliia:
When she was seven, she was wearing her favorite green checkered dress. The one with the tie in the back that her mother puffed into a big fat bow like Ariel from The Little Mermaid and the one that she wore to church and weddings and sometimes even to school. And it was on one of the school days…
May 10th, 2011
But I wanted to say something.
I’ve had a lot of anxiety about eating today. And body unhappiness. And all that jazz.
And so for breakfast I had fruit and oatmeal and egg whites.
And as the day went on I was still anxious and unhappy. And I slept for six hours in the middle of the day. And I skipped lunch and dinner.
And I woke up from my depression-nap I eventually, after 11pm decided to make my way over to Subway.
I ate a six inch on honey oat with lots of veggies, half a chocolate milk and an oatmeal cookie.
I don’t know how many calories it had.I do know that it seemed like an okay “meal.”
I’m at a point, again, where I realize that I can’t handle thinking about weight loss and everything right now. All I need to focus on is “normal eating.”
“Normal eating” being- not binge eating, not starving, not eating only junk, not eating only fruit and veggies. I need some sanity. I need to feel like a regular human being for once. Because I can’t manage my broken mind right now.
I feel disordered, and always tumbling towards square one.
One more month of college dining commons. I’m trying to hold it together.
April 13th, 2011
Woke up hungry,
1 scoop protein powder, 1 piece bimbo toast, 1 small banana
Lunch,
Can of chicken noodle soup, 2 pieces bimbo toast, 1 medium orange
Dinner,
1 hunk of whole wheat sour dough, 1 Tablespoon peanut butter, about 3/4 cup mixed veggies, a few spoons of lentil soup, a few bites of a sweet shredded carrot salad.
I feel fine about food today.
Last night I went for a run with a couple of girl friends. It was tough, but I was proud of myself for doing something. I may well make a routine of it, with them. Running made me really want to stop smoking entirely. I mean, even occasional things. Today is the first day in quite a while that I’ve felt healthy- in terms of food choice/state of mind/not smoking.
I weigh 152 pounds. I’ll be going down from here. I am okay.
April 13th, 2011
crossingtheasymptote:
I’m fighting for my life. To live it to it’s fullest. To make the most out of every situation. I’m fighting for freedom.
I am a survivor. A surviver of binging, to being obsessed with thinspo, and a surviver of self-harm.
Today, I relapsed to all three.
It’s been getting so much harder to not…
April 12th, 2011
I weighed myself this morning upon waking and it said 152, even.
I went to the doctor today, clothed (obviously) and after eating and drinking and such and they said I weighed 160.
My head is easily fucked with, and I know it doesn’t mean anything really, but I think my mind has just been so warped over time.
I’m wearing my size 10 pants recently. I’m in that weird 150-155 range that’s so familiar.
I yo-yo so much, and I’m so tired of it and myself.
I need to be a consistent person, but I’m not in any facet of my life really. I’m so imbalanced.
April 12th, 2011
1. 1 scoop protein (100), little banana, brown packaged toast (60) - 260? at most.
2. Eggplant sandwich patty, a few good broccoli tufts, 1/2 cup? beans, small bowl spinach salad with 1/2 cup? red potatoes on top, big orange - No idea. Maybe 700? I don’t know. That seems obnoxiously high.
Let me just say that I can’t wait to be home for the summer/next year… and able to count calories, and buy my own foods, and have measuring utensils. That way, I’ll be able to build healthy, regular, balanced, routine meals. And lose weight more easily.
That’s not to say I’m going to eat whatever I want until then. I’m still trying to make healthy food choices and not binge eat. That’s the main thing.
April 11th, 2011
Daily To Dooze
Walk. Lots.
Drink water. Lots.
Eat natural food.
Do floor exercises again.
March 27th, 2011
Hiatuses are things.
Spring break happened.
I didn’t handle it well.
It’s spring quarter.
I’ll be losing weight.
Something positive: I bought healthy groceries upon returning to college, and I have some decent protein powder stuff that I’ll be aiming to drink thrice daily (100 calories times 3) as metabolism boosting “snacks.”
This is a skeleton of how I think my eating should go:
7:30- 300 cal breakfast
10:00- 100 cal protein shake
1:00- 300 cal lunch
4:00- 100 cal protein shake
7:00- 300 cal dinner
10:00- 100 cal protein shake
/end.
My calories will not be 300 exact. It’s impossible with the dining commons. I will try to make balanced, healthy meals that hang around 300. I do believe a routine will help, along with the protein.
Tomorrow I’ll be talking with Travis about an exercise routine involving cardio and simple resistance exercises.
I want to look healthier the next time I see him. I want to make myself feel better physically and otherwise. Self-respect is what I’m working toward.
Reblogged from 
Reblogged from 
"If there is a sin against life, it consists perhaps not so much in despairing of life as in hoping for another life and in eluding the implacable grandeur of this life."